After a mother’s funeral at funeral homes in Dayton, OH, even though we attended as mourners and followed up afterwards with our friend or family member whose mother died, we kind of block that reality out of our minds as we prepare for our own Mother’s Day celebrations with our mothers who are still living.
We may chatter and talk about our plans with that same friend or family member, unaware that that the conversation is painful for them because they don’t have a mother to make plans with or do celebrate Mother’s Day with. We should be more sensitive and aware this year and do things differently.
One way we can be more aware is to either write on a calendar or set up a calendar alert on our phones to call our motherless friend or family member on Mother’s Day to check in with them. Many people who’ve lost their mothers struggle to cope with very intense grief on Mother’s Day, in part in reaction to all the happiness others around them are experiencing with their mothers on that day. We can text, call, or send a sympathy card to let them know we remember and that we are thinking about them and what they are going through.
Another way that we can be more aware is to ask them to participate in our Mother’s Day celebrations with our mothers. If the friend or family member knows our mother well and is close to them, being asked – even if they decline the invitation (it may just be too painful) – is a gesture the friend or family member will appreciate and cherish.
If our friend or family member is experiencing very intense grief on Mother’s Day, even after years have passed since the death of their mother, we should be patient, kind, and understanding. Losing a parent, whether you’re a child or an adult, is a traumatic event. You never get over it. The loss never goes away. Time doesn’t heal all wounds. Grief changes over time, but events like Mother’s Day, that focus all attention on mothers, can bring back a sudden burst of intense grief for people who’ve lost their mothers. We can let them know it’s okay to be sorrowful, to cry, and to miss their mother’s.
For the motherless on Mother’s Day, there are some tangible ways to help channel the grief into something with a positive outcome.
Make Mother’s Day a time to go visit your mother’s grave, if you live close enough. If you do not live close enough to the grave, spend time with the things you have of your mom’s, whether those are pictures, letters, or even a recording of her funeral.
Create a day of ritual for Mother’s Day that celebrates the things your mother loved. Put on the music that made her sing, dance, or laugh. If your mother loved a certain kind of ice cream or cookies, then get some to remember her by. Find her favorite movie and watch it (even if it’s not your favorite, you may discover things in it that make you realize why it was her favorite movie).
Finally, as tempting as it may be, try not to isolate yourself completely. We all grieve differently and sometimes being alone just feels better, but at least get outside and take a walk and get some fresh air and some other human contact.
If you would like information about grief resources at funeral homes in Dayton, OH, our compassionate and experienced staff at Glickler Funeral Home & Cremation Service can help. You can come by our funeral home at 1849 Salem Ave., Dayton, OH 45406, or you can contact us today at (937) 278-4287.